Thursday, March 15, 2012

Book Review: “Loving Someone with Asperger’s Syndrome” by Cindy N Ariel

Over the years, I’ve read quite a few relationship books, some have been good, some were bad and some were truly great. Most of these books concentrated on neurotypical couples but I never really thought about how wrong that was until I read “Loving Someone with Asperger’s Syndrome”.

For me, “Loving Someone with Asperger’s Syndrome” takes the relationship thing to a whole new level. Cindy brings a great understanding of Aspergers Syndrome and related co-conditions into the book and makes it clear exactly how these things will impact a relationship.


With the divorce rate climbing past the 50% mark and aspie/nt relationships being (reportedly) in more danger than most, this book is an essential tool for any couple containing a partner on the spectrum.

Don’t wait until your relationship “feels like it’s in danger”.  One of the main things that I’ve learned about relationships over the course of my 14+ (so far) year marriage, is that using any marriage resources such as guidebooks and exercises will bring even the strongest of relationships closer.

“Loving Someone with Asperger’s Syndrome” has a lot of information packed within its pages. For a start, there are great chapters on dealing with anger, communicating and finding emotional connections, sex and intimacy, parenting, co-conditions and the choice of whether or not to stay in a relationship.

Within many of these chapters are exercises that you and your partner can do. The book is structured in such a way that you can do the exercises without your partner but it’s strongly recommended that both partners are involved.  The exercises will highlight things that you do well or poorly in your relationship and will help you to gain a much better understanding of your partner’s needs, wants and motivations.

So, the bad? I struggled to find anything bad in this excellent book but if I had to say anything, it would simply be that the aspie in the examples switches gender too often. I know this has been done for a good reason, to make the book apply regadless of the gender of the aspie but in some paragraphs, I had to do a double-take.  “Oh, ok... the aspie is the female now”.  It’s hardly a weakness.

This is a book that everyone with a person on the spectrum in their relationship needs to read. It's simply the best book of its kind.

“Loving Someone with Asperger’s Syndrome” by Cindy N Ariel can be purchased from Amazon.

Honesty clause; I was provided with a review copy of “Loving Someone with Asperger’s Syndrome” at no charge.

6 comments:

vhudi said...

I will get the book hopefully it is available in South Africa

Anonymous said...

I'm in one of these relationships and I think it's fantastic, my hubby with aspergers is so loyal, I don't have to worry about him running off with another woman, he is completely oblivious to others flirting with him it is so hilarious to watch and we always giggle about it afterwards when I explain to him what was going on. Plus he's so funny and cool and smart, I couldn't ask for more. I bet if single women out there took more time to get to know these men on the spectrum the divorce rates would be lower, you need to embrace quirks and life will never be dull!! So what if you don't get crappy old flowers on valentines day, give me a hardworking, loyal husband coupled with that childlike quality that makes for a great father any day....

Anonymous said...

I'm in one of these relationships and I think it's fantastic, my hubby with aspergers is so loyal, I don't have to worry about him running off with another woman, he is completely oblivious to others flirting with him it is so hilarious to watch and we always giggle about it afterwards when I explain to him what was going on. Plus he's so funny and cool and smart, I couldn't ask for more. I bet if single women out there took more time to get to know these men on the spectrum the divorce rates would be lower, you need to embrace quirks and life will never be dull!! So what if you don't get crappy old flowers on valentines day, give me a hardworking, loyal husband coupled with that childlike quality that makes for a great father any day....

Anonymous said...

"I bet if single women out there took more time to get to know these men on the spectrum the divorce rates would be lower"

Ever noticed how much more often women get told to change our sexual preferences (told to want to have sex with people with whom we don't already want to have sex) than men get told to change their sexual preferences (told to want to have sex with people with whom they don't already want to have sex?)?

Wage Slave said...

One of these days I would really like to find a book written by an Asperger woman in relationship with a non-Asperger man, or a non-Asperger man in a relationship with an Asperger woman. All the "relationship" books are written by non-Asperger women in relationships with Asperger men. Believe it or not, there are women with Asperger's out there! We do exist!

Tia said...

@ Wage Slave, I am working on it. I am a female Aspie married to an NT, and I am writing a memoir - the kind that I'd like to read, which doesn't actually exist. Pretending To Be Normal almost had it, but the writing felt a little guarded.